I wouldn't be called The Mentally Unstable Writer if my mental health didn't fluctuate from time to time. And let me tell you, I am in a massive state of flux right now.
My anxiety is all over the place lately. I've been on a death kick, and no, not "We're going to catch Covid and die!" but more specifically car accidents. I have no idea why. It led me to insist that my husband and I write out a paper informing anyone who saw it who we want to take our son in the event both my husband and I die. Honestly, we should have done that years ago. I also started stressing about my husband's death. I am a stay at home mom, so his death would create massive life changes for my son and me. We'd have to move. I'd have to find some income. Blah blah blah. Stress galore.
The other day my husband went golfing, and I was confident he was never coming home. It drove me batty until he finally walked through the front door. I'm pretty sure my husband thinks I'm going to kill him because I keep talking about life insurance money and where I'm moving once he dies.
On top of all that, I also think I have some manic/depressive episode going on. I can't even describe it except to say that shit isn't right in my head.
Thankfully I meet with my doctor in a couple of weeks, so I just have to make it until then. I don't know what will happen beyond adjusting my meds, and I'm not even sure that's the right answer. They've been working so well up until now. Maybe I am just doomed to go off the deep end now and then, despite the meds. Honestly, based on how I've been for months before this current episode, I can live with that. I might accept a change in my anxiety meds, though, because they can't seem to calm me down lately unless I double up, which I'm pretty sure is not healthy. I'm predisposed to addiction, so that is something I watch closely and am very wary of.
Thankfully (and I credit the medication), I haven't completely lost my mind. I am still able to get up and accomplish my tasks for the day. Every week I am adding new things that I want to be habits of mine. This week I am adding in small workouts Monday through Fridays and drinking more water. This is new for me. Usually, when I go crazy, all traces of normalcy go out the window to be promptly run over by a semi-truck. It's nice to know I am a functioning crazy these days.
Anyway, I just wanted to be open and honest about my mental health. That is, after all, the whole point of this platform. You know, besides the whole writing thing. I don't have any answers as to what triggered this or what will snap me out of it, but I wanted to keep an open dialogue with you. So here you go, a little glimpse into crazy town.